It can be
difficult to recognize the toxic relationships in our lives. After all, we are
drawn to these people in the first place because they bring something valuable
to the table. Maybe they are the friends who we have fun with, or the ones who
can share our secrets, or the ones who challenge us to go outside of our
comfort zones. However, they can also be the same friends who are always
causing drama, or who make us feel bad about ourselves, or who just aren't
reliable.
There are
many criteria that can make for toxic relationships. Here are a few of the
signs:
- You feel belittled or
disrespected
- The other person exerts control
in the relationship
- You are afraid of the other
person's temper
- The other person uses guilt to
try to manipulate you
- The other person is overly
dependent on you
- You feel used
- The other person is overly
jealous or possessive
Of course,
any abusive behavior is a sure sign of a toxic relationship, as well.
Once you
recognize that you are in a toxic relationship, it may be time to end it. Here
are a few ways that you can end your toxic relationship:
Admit the Truth
Many people
are in toxic relationships because they can't admit that they are, in fact,
toxic relationships. The first step to ending such a relationship is to admit
that it is toxic and destructive. Sure there may be things you like (or even
love) about this person. You may have fun together. This person may even be
nice to you. But if there are aspects of a toxic relationship, then the
relationship is ultimately going to be destructive for you and unhealthy.
Confront the Reasons for the
Relationship
Once you have
admitted that the relationship is toxic, seek to understand why you became
involved in the relationship in the first place. Is the relationship filling
some need in you? For example, do you have a need to feel accepted because you
suffer from low self-esteem? Or do you allow others to control you because you
are afraid of asserting your independence?
When you
understand the reasons you are in the relationship, you can seek out other
healthy relationships or activities that fill these needs.
End All Contact
When you end
a toxic relationship, it is best to go cold turkey. Don't see the person
occasionally. Don't limit contact to e-mail. Don't keep the person on your
Facebook. Any contact you allow to continue can eventually lead to a
re-establishment of the relationship as it was before. Just end the
relationship and cut off all contact.
Surround Yourself with Positive People
One of the
best ways to move on from a toxic relationship and to form more healthy
relationships is to surround yourself with positive people. Seek out new
friendships with people who treat you with kindness and respect. Spend more of
your time with family who treat you with love and appreciation. The more
positive influences you have in your life, the fewer negative ways you will
tolerate.
Recognizing
toxic relationships can be difficult, and ending them can be even harder.
However, taking the steps to end toxic relationships can help you to eliminate
the negative influences in your life and to become a happier person with more
fulfilling relationships.
Have you had
to end a toxic relationship in your life? Share your experiences in the
comments!
Bridget Sandorford is a freelance
writer and researcher for Culinaryschools.org. In her spare time, she enjoys
biking, painting and working on her first cookbook.
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